Today my husband and I move Mary Claire into her sorority house. She is officially a sophomore at the University of Nebraska in Lincoln. After living at home this summer with her three younger brothers and us, she is MORE than ready to jump in feet first with several other Delta Gamma sisters to ready themselves for formal recruitment, taking place next week.  She is excited to experience this part of sorority recruitment and welcome all of the potential new members into their chapter home.

Having my daughter with us all summer was a blessing but now it is time for her to transition back into her college life. Boxes showed up on her attic staircase a few days ago with clothes, toiletries, school supplies and more. The cozy overstuffed chair in her bedroom that I painstakingly cleaned off prior to her arrival in May so she could curl up and “read a good book” is now covered, barely recognizable, with unfolded clothes, shopping sacks, a few pair of boots  (does one need that many boots?) and several other items that I assume are  traveling with her.

I can’t help thinking….we didn’t get it all in…the time went by so quickly. Yet, we did accomplish and share much… late night talks, a few shed tears, some deep laughter, baking cookies, at least twenty batches of the infamous hot Vidalia onion dip (you might want this recipe!), some shopping, mass together, a few days at Gram’s lake cabin, neighborhood walks, a few of her brothers’ baseball games (did I say just a FEW?), cuddling new kittens, volunteering for the International Special Olympic Games held in our home town, several library books…

I remember blogging last August about my daughter’s college start and how heart wrenching it was for both me and my husband. (Honestly, prior to her departure, I do believe it was the only time we both sobbed simultaneously?!) I remember writing that I felt all the color in our home and somehow gone, referencing my daughter’s personality and her love of art which physically has always been strewn here and there in process.  I am grateful for the color that was brought back home this summer (Did I mention she was in charge of decorations for recruitment? Hello paint, glitter, and tissue paper flowers with all the bling!)

Thankfully, this exit is less emotional (thus not so exhausting?), and, while I know I will feel melancholy for a few days after we send her on her way, as a more seasoned parent I have experienced an entire year of the ebb and flow of her presence in our family and it feels more comfortable. As she begins her second year, I hope she is rejuvenated, rested, and settles back into college life feeling loved.  I remember being anxious myself at the start of each semester; nervous, uncertain, vulnerable …Make sure and arm your own daughter with love and courage. Perhaps even write her a letter of encouragement to tuck in her suitcase or to arrive via snail mail that first week of school. If you are a first time college parent, take heart: The journey will get easier as everyone settles in…

For collegians, springtime means the lining up of summer jobs and internships.  So here is what I have been thinking about:  if I ran a business and I was considering two applicants (only one being a sorority member) with similar academic qualifications for a particular position, I would hire the sorority woman.  No question about it.

Why -

Leadership Experience: The sorority woman has had continual opportunities for holding positions of leadership and observing those in leadership positions. Over and over, she has been given the freedom to

• try out ideas
• initiate projects and carry them through to the end
• figure out how to motivate people. 

She isn’t just reading about leadership, she is experiencing leadership.  So, when she comes to my business, she has an arsenal of ideas that she has already tried out.  How can the non-sorority member compete?

Open to New Ideas: The sorority member is a bit of a calculated risk taker. After all, she DID go through recruitment. An employee who is willing to (and knows how to) charge into unchartered territories is going to be great for my business. Can the non-sorority member compete?

Plays well with others: Hello??? What is a sorority but a group of woman learning to get along with one another in all sorts of situations? I would feel confident that a sorority member has developed the people skills necessary to fit in well with my other employees. Can the non-sorority member compete?

Connections: I know that the sorority member (this future employee) has a large network of friends should I be in the position to hire others. Can the non-sorority member compete?

Now, let’s forget that I am the “employer” and lets look at this job search from the potential employee’s point of view…If I were composing a resume or interviewing for a job, I would not neglect to mention how my sorority experience enhances my qualifications (see the above #1, 2, 3, and 4).  Sorority member vs. non-sorority member - this is not a level playing field.

Each campus sorority will have slightly different membership dues based often on the size of their operations and the needs of the campus’ Greek community.  Usually separate from fees associated with sorority housing, membership dues cover expenses related to chapter operations. Often this includes the sisterhood activities the chapter members participate in, some social activity costs, and the costs of putting on philanthropy events, service projects, and other activities.  Most campus Fraternity and Sorority Life offices can provide a breakdown of chapter membership costs for you before recruitment begins to help you understand how much it costs, what payment options may be available, and how the money is spent.  The Campus Panhellenic is also a good resource for understanding the costs of membership on your campus.

But - when our daughters take off for college, do they jump from our environment of  110% study support to floating in the winds of academia like a dandelion fleck?  Isn’t this a bit of a largish transition?  The good news for parents is,  just because we have relinquished our supervisory roles, doesn’t mean that our daughters will stop receiving scholastic encouragement…not if they are members of a sorority. 

NPC sororities seem to be keenly interested in seeing that our daughters maintain high grades.  On most campuses, it is important and prestigious to be the sorority that earns the highest combined GPA for a particular semester.  In addition, the local alums and each sorority’s inter/national officers put a high priority on seeing that each chapter is doing their best scholastically.  To this end, a variety of motivating programs are in place -

• scholarship dinners, professors nights
• weekly awards for quiz grades, semester awards for high GPAs, chapter and inter/national sorority-based scholarships
• quirky, fun awards for things like best combined Big Sister/Little Sister GPAs
• some chapters print up a review of courses which reveal the inside scoop regarding captivating, entertaining, and/or reasonable professors
• “Dinner by Major” - sorority sisters who share the same major dine together, to discuss which classes are valuable, which to avoid, which to take which semester, career paths, related summer internships, etc.

Wouldn’t you say that this is a definite PLUS to sorority membership?  To sum up, if your daughter is a member of a sorority, this significant, historical organization is interested in your daughter’s grades!  I feel smug when I consider that it requires a large organization (many of the NPC groups are well over 100,000 strong in terms of all the collegians and all of the alums) to take over where I left off!

One final thought -  will anybody in any of the alternative collegiate living arrangements take any sort of  interest in our daughters’ academic pursuits?

It is Monday and we are up bright and early loading the car.  MC’s little brothers head to campus with us to help haul box upon box up to her room. Later, Rich takes the boys home and grabs our oldest son now home from football practice. The two of them pick up a purchased Futon and deliver it to the room.  I t feels nice to have Mary Claire’s brother’s involved in this process. They don’t realize how much they will miss her presence in our home. Good thing we live in town b/c we ended up taking three huge boxes of clothes, etc., BACK home.  She had to edit…what on earth do folks do when they drive from miles away? ;-0   Mary Claire is excited but nervous and perhaps lonely as her roommate will not be moving in until the end of the week. She chose to go ‘potluck’ and was assigned a nice young woman from Beatrice NE. Her name is Leah and she is not going through recruitment but is in the honors program with Mary Claire.  I hope they will learn to enjoy one another. And, I also hope Mary Claire rearranges her clothes and things to only occupy HALF of this tiny room?!  Oh my.

Before we said our goodbyes that afternoon, Mary Claire’s recruitment guide stopped in and was an energetic soul with a wonderful sense of humor and a sincere enthusiasm for Greek life.  We learned there are 13 young women on MC”s floor going through recruitment and they will be in a small group together. Their orientation and first meeting is tonight and tomorrow Sorority Recruitment officially begins. We left Mary Claire and knew she was about to experience an incredible week, forging new friendships and growing in her independence.

As I close this entry I want to say a little something about texting.  I have never in the past been a fan and have made it my passion in some of my educational endeavors to encourage young adults and youth to see the importance of face to face and voice to voice communication. Developing interpersonal skills as one matures is key to having healthy relationships. However, I have seen over the past few years as my kids have entered high school that there is a place for this more technically oriented mode of communication. I encourage all parents of teenagers to at least learn the basics of sending and receiving text messages so they can connect with their young adults. (This younger generation has embraced texting as their main form of connecting with one another and often responds to a text much quicker than even a voice mail on their cell phone or an email. I do believe there is no going back!)

I am not planning on hovering over Mary Claire by any means and am a believer in the healthy launching of these incredibly capable young human beings. However, Sunday evening as I turned in for the evening, I received a ‘goodnight’ text from Mary Claire.  I imagine she was lonely in that dorm room by herself and being able to connect briefly with her made us both get a better night sleep.   The adventure begins tomorrow…

It is Monday and we are up bright and early loading the car.  MC’s little brothers head to campus with us to help haul box upon box up to her room. Later, Rich takes the boys home and grabs our oldest son now home from football practice. The two of them pick up a purchased Futon and deliver it to the room.  I t feels nice to have Mary Claire’s brother’s involved in this process. They don’t realize how much they will miss her presence in our home. Good thing we live in town b/c we ended up taking three huge boxes of clothes, etc., BACK home.  She had to edit…what on earth do folks do when they drive from miles away? ;-0   Mary Claire is excited but nervous and perhaps lonely as her roommate will not be moving in until the end of the week. She chose to go ‘potluck’ and was assigned a nice young woman from Beatrice NE. Her name is Leah and she is not going through recruitment but is in the honors program with Mary Claire.  I hope they will learn to enjoy one another. And, I also hope Mary Claire rearranges her clothes and things to only occupy HALF of this tiny room?!  Oh my.

Before we said our goodbyes that afternoon, Mary Claire’s recruitment guide stopped in and was an energetic soul with a wonderful sense of humor and a sincere enthusiasm for Greek life.  We learned there are 13 young women on MC”s floor going through recruitment and they will be in a small group together. Their orientation and first meeting is tonight and tomorrow Sorority Recruitment officially begins. We left Mary Claire and knew she was about to experience an incredible week, forging new friendships and growing in her independence.

As I close this entry I want to say a little something about texting.  I have never in the past been a fan and have made it my passion in some of my educational endeavors to encourage young adults and youth to see the importance of face to face and voice to voice communication. Developing interpersonal skills as one matures is key to having healthy relationships. However, I have seen over the past few years as my kids have entered high school that there is a place for this more technically oriented mode of communication. I encourage all parents of teenagers to at least learn the basics of sending and receiving text messages so they can connect with their young adults. (This younger generation has embraced texting as their main form of connecting with one another and often responds to a text much quicker than even a voice mail on their cell phone or an email. I do believe there is no going back!)

I am not planning on hovering over Mary Claire by any means and am a believer in the healthy launching of these incredibly capable young human beings. However, Sunday evening as I turned in for the night, I received a ‘goodnight’ text from Mary Claire.  I imagine she was lonely in that dorm room by herself and being able to connect briefly with her made us both get a better night sleep.   The adventure begins tomorrow…

I confess, I had heard about recruitment for many years. I even knew that it’s a big deal. What I didn’t know is just how intense it can be; at least it was for me anyway, as I didn’t realize there is the possibility of “mismatching” or not getting selected. It didn’t help matters that on our return home from Athens that Sunday morning there was a feature front-page news story in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution about…yea, you guessed it…sorority recruitment. And not just any sorority recruitment mind you, but sorority recruitment at UGA. And as many newspapers do, they put every negative spin possible in that article to make Greek Life seem like the cause of every evil in the world today. Needless to say, I got a sick feeling in my stomach to go along with all the other emotions I was experiencing.

I have good news though. Recruitment went very well for my daughter-and for me, too. I became so interested in the whole process that I researched everything. So much so that by the time bid day rolled around, I actually knew more about the philanthropies of the AOPi’s than I did about the depth chart of the UGA football team; more about the GPAs of the Zeta’s than who was going to start on the offensive line; I knew the flower of the Pi Phi’s and the Phi Mu colors but not who was leading the FedEx cup on the PGA Tour. And for an avid sports enthusiast like myself, that is saying a lot.

My point to all this is . . . Dads, you have a very important role in recruitment. Be there at the end of the day for encouraging words. Even though your daughter can’t tell you much, you should be able to get a general feel for how things are going. Just show the love and support. And most importantly encourage her to keep an open mind and to not get her heart set on any one sorority because the truth is, all of the sororities are great and do great things. It’s all about finding the right fit for her. My daughter did, and two years later I can honestly tell you that it has been an incredible experience for her in many ways that I look forward to sharing. Hope this helps and best wishes to your PNM. Yea, Dads . . . you’re about to find out what that means-haha!

I describe myself as Panhellenically  ”well rounded”since I am a Delta Gamma with a Pi Beta Phi mother, an Alpha Phi sister in law, a dear Tri Delta aunt, a Pi Beta Phi cousin, and a Gamma Phi Beta niece.  My husband, Rich (a Sigma Chi), and I have four children ranging in ages 8 to 18 and their Godparents are comprised of two Delta Gammas, a Gamma Phi Beta, a Kappa Kappa Gamma, a Sigma Alpha Epsilon and a Sigma Phi Epsilon.  Many of my close friends in Lincoln happen to be Kappa Alpha Thetas.

I have enjoyed volunteering on our local Delta Gamma Advisory Team, serving as Chapter Advisor for a number of years and have always been a member of our local Alumnae group.  At UNL I have also served the Panhellenic office in a number of roles and have provided leadership training for the 40+ recruitment guides on campus who assist the potential new members each fall in having a memorable and successful experience.  When I am not mentoring, transporting, or mothering the four young people in my life, I facilitate relational retreats for various groups and social leadership/etiquette seminars for youth. I recently wrote a seminar curriculum for middle school students entitled CLASS: a social requirement for youth and teens^TM.

I share these things about myself with you because I want to bring home the point that the Greek system has enriched my life with so many wonderful relationships!  My wish for Mary Claire is that she has an incredible recruitment and sorority experience that will provide that spark in creating her own lifetime friendships. Friends ask me if I desperately want her to be a Delta Gamma.  Of course, there would be nothing more special than to have her share that bond with me, but what I want the most for her is to find that group of women with whom she can be totally authentic …where the chemistry is so ‘on’  that deep relationships are forged immediately and last forever. If that means that she is a DG, then we will be doubly blessed. More on all this later…I look forward to hearing from you…

Why?

Because sorority membership sets up a support system for life.

The collegiate years - There is a lot of ready information about how a sorority makes these four years a happier experience, with enthusiastic assistance offered in scholarly pursuits, leadership opportunities, philanthropic traditions and social activities.  All right, side-bar:  Yes, I know that lots of people picture “Animal House” when they think of the Greek system.  Aside from being a grotesque characterization of sorority life, do you really think there are no questionable choices made in dorms or apartments?  But I digress…

The lengthy “after collegiate years” time span - This is when the benefits of sorority membership really kick in, in a manner not found in any other type of organization - this is what propels me to forcefully encourage daughters to sign up for recruitment.  Fast forward 15 years - where will our daughters be?  Transferred across the country?  Looking for a new job?  Running a campaign?  Dealing with a family issue?

NPC sororities have alum clubs, world wide, cheerfully offering:  advice - local business referrals - graduate scholarships -  employment networking - and most importantly, a guaranteed comfort zone of sincere friendship.  Having moved to five different states since I graduated from college (or as half the country says, “graduated college”), I can report that the transitions were easier, happier, and more productive because of the sorority alums in each new location.

So, back on my soapbox:  as a parent, I wouldn’t feel like I was doing my job if I didn’t set up a situation for my child that would insure this life-time of sisterly support.  That means I simply couldn’t imagine my daughter - or anybody else’s - not going through sorority recruitment.